Odd Cagnolito. The story so far. A young mutant Cagnolito (formerly of Tindalos Prime) crossing a dicey forest in the Vacillating Shift is suddenly accosted by one of the local talents, the Mafioso Wooden Poppet, with verbose promises of protection from nebulous perils and other equally vague extra-curricular risks. Matilda, on a break from minding Bonny Brown Bunny and doubling here as a spirit guide and paranormal cicerone to the adventurous canine, is counselling the youngster to ignore the overtures of the woody chappie, in part because said offers and threats are mostly hot air and in part because the ligneous laddie is so scatterbrained that he may start trying for intimidation and then switch, for no reason at all, to advice on the best inns, youth hostels, cocktail bars, discos, free swimming pools, restaurants, tapas bars and beauty parlours in the region. Well, that’s the Vacillating Shift for you, innit. Consistency is a word that even if It looked it up in the dictionary it still wouldn’t make sense to It, poor dear. By the way, if you ever find yourself travelling in this most perplexing of districts, I can recommend the Inn of the Seventeen Boons. It’s cheap, cheerful, the sheets are spotless, the food scrumptious and the landlady’s a good friend of mine, so a bit of name-dropping will get you a few free drinks as well.

Target. Poor Bonny Brown Bunny has gone and done it again! She has opened her big loud mouth once more and now she’s being targeted by one of the Righteous Brigades -we are not quite sure which one; is it the Rabid Avenging Shirleys? Is it the Thou-Shalt-Not-Sport-A- Keffiyeh Coterie? Or perhaps is the neighbour next door, who think this country’s being swamped by non-British-born undesirables and that our only hope lays in the deranged neurones of Nigel Farrago? Who knows. They are so many and they all look and sound pretty much of a muchness. Poor old Bun-Bun… As Matilda, the Cynical Birdie, Bunny’s bodyguard and political advisor, keeps on telling her, she’d be well advise to join a lay Trappist order and have a quiet life for a change, but you know what chromatic rabbits are like: obstinate mules one and all. Still, we have started a collection to send Bonny on a fortnight retreat in the beautiful Gorkhi-Terelj National Park, near Ulan Bator.