Gorgs Graphic Souk

Watching an old episode of New Tricks the other evening, I came across a name I could not resist. Almost at the same time I remembered that I’ve had had the perfect likeness to go with it in my hard drive for nearly two years. So, here is Lenny “the Lump”, the South London golem. Famous for his poetry reading soirees and his award-winning window boxes, he’s also a dab hand at scaring the local bullies, as he is 1) bigger than any of them and 2) almost completely intolerant of this particular breed. (I wonder if he could be persuaded to “have a little chat” with David Cameron…). Here we can see him hanging around Bermondsey Sq. with two of his bosom pals, Gary the Trouble Teddy and Betty “Hopping Mad” McCann, the two-legged berserker of Peckham Rye, of whom, rumor has it, even “Mad. Frankie Fraser used to be scared of. And this one makes four golems so far; three boys and one girl: Lenny, Jake, the lapsed East End golem, Blott, the Badlands golem and young Sarita. We could start a pop group and call it Perishable Clay, couldn’t we? Or proclaim a brand new tribe: the Golemim. Rabbi Loew, eat your heart out, mate!

Arrested Development. Meet Adelita, a young mother of the Bufo Truncatus, or Truncated Toad species, a variety of alien mutant amphibian that never develops beyond the last tadpole stage. The babies grow a pair of arms early in the life cycle although they remain, for many-many-many moons, very small -but by no means fragile, highly dependent on the mother, fiercely competitive for her attentions and ergo exceedingly quarrelsome. The females of this genus tend to avoid breeding like the plague and have emphatically and unequivocally declared that they intend to stick to that policy until the males of the species start taking on some of the burdens of parenthood. Quite. They also think that motherhood, irritating though it may be, at least they generally produce no more than half a dozen offspring at a time. Whereas the poor old Shub-Niggurath bread only once but got instantly stuck with a thousand Young. The abridged toadettes think that they have it comparatively easy, really. As they do, indeed

Text says: The Shoggoths and the Club Unpresentables propose. Infallible formula to cleanse the political scene in Catalunya: Decisiveness and De-Mas-ification.
This is for my darling sister Teya and my delicious bro-in-law Joan. Both still grieving and heartbroken and furious at Mr Mas’ shenanigans. It’s all very well for me to take the piss of the man, but they have to live with his folly, and the evil the ghastly clown has already wreaked all over the poor land. Here’s also a wee bit of a poem by perhaps the best poet Catalunya has ever produced. I can’t be bothered to translate, sorry.

Ja no volta l’ós.
He llegit el llibre
del Predicador.
Deso a poc a poc
dintre de la capsa
tots els meus ninots.
Ara he de callar,
que no tinc prou força
contra tant de mal.
D’un mal tan antic
aquesta veu feble
no et sabrí  guarir

Salvador Espriu. Perquí¨ un dia torni la cançó a Sinera.

It’s Roll up! Roll up! and Gather ’round time once more. Come see the latest in Outlandish Funfairs. Opening its Gates next week, three miles due east of Devil Reef and under the very noses of the Pentarchy of the Church of Father Dagon (Innsmouth, Mass.). Try your luck at the wondrous Heisenbergian Wheel of Uncertainty, several notches up from the old mundane Wheel of Fortune, and bet your life on the companion circle of the Fuzzy Pentacles of Fluke. (Health & Safety compliant.) Scrumptious fairground fare catering for all tastes, even vegetarians and vegans. Goody-bags like you’ve never seen before freely dispensed by the Perennially Dazed Glowworms: Sassy Mocking Maracas to aggravate David Cameron! Infuriating alien Espantasuegras -hand crafted by genuine lunatics in Leuret, Aragon, to drive Hilary Clinton ’round the bend! Cornucopias of Bliss and Ice Cream for the Soul to provoke the ire of the ghost of Milton Friedman! And more, much more. Admission is free, naturally, as are the various other events taking place in the fringes of the fairground, but booking is recommended owing to the massive popularity of this kind of shindigs amongst astute and discriminating folks. Gaudeamus organized by Rosie, BoomBoom and Bubbles (Shoggoths) and sponsored by the Mi-Go and the Rosa Luxemburg International Charitable Foundation, following the enormous success of Leo “BigNose” McGurk’s Polydimensional Flying Circus. We think a new trend is on the make. Hope also floats…

So the year is new, but how “new” will it be…ah, there’s the rub. Never mind. Have a happy one if you can possibly manage it. Be it only to be defiant.

And to celebrate the New Year (for what it’s likely to be worth…) we have all chipped in to give the Shub-Niggurath a break from constant child care & rearing & watching and we have volunteered to babysit her 1,000 Young for a few days. So she has taken herself to the eternally peaceful shores of Lake Hali to meditate on singlehood and brood about whether her bum looks increasingly bigger. And does it suit her? And does she give a toss if it doesn’t? Happy break girlie!

It’s coming up to the third anniversary of the darling Bacterium’s departure. So here’s this year’s memorial. It’s all about funky visitations, you know. I’ve just received a report from my contacts in the peripheral grid, the Rough&Ready Entities, about an enigmatic object that materialized there a few days ago out of a random hole in the fabric. Thus far, it just bobs up and down in the thin air, glowing bright red, and if you listen carefully you can hear a muted but steady flow of miraculously rude epithets aimed at sundry notorious pillars of our communities, interspersed with fiery appeals to “wake up and smell the shit, you bloody peons!”. The grid dwellers are mighty puzzled and can’t make any sense of the happening, nor have they the foggiest as to the nature of the item. I’ve got a strong feeling that this is an early warning sign that the Ash boson is about to be discovered. Or conjectured, at the very least.

Update 18.12.15 Solstice time again. Here comes the ineffable BoomBoom, get up to look like the Swamp Thing as a modest tribute to a chap who knows a thing or two about sequences and cycles, bringing you the yearly seasonal tidings.
Bid farewell to the darkness and thank her, for she has brought pause and rest and done her bit. And greet the return of the light that will do my spirits and my complexion no end of good. Have the best Solstice you can possibly get, people.

I’ve been meaning to do something with dodos ever since I started signing myself UndeadDodo on some sites. So here they are, the darling extinct creatures having a good philosophical bitch about life. Or lack thereof, poor things.

What with the current so-called reality unravelling and illusions beginning to collapse right, left and centre, the peerless Grumpy, in semi-formal office regalia, has taken himself and his off-the-cuff ADCs, the BearThing and her new cub, down to the shores of Samsara to wait for the tide to turn and thus be ready to welcome the new ship of fools to their rightful inheritance. Mrs B has her money on the rats and, hedging her bets, the cockroaches. The baby is wondering if there’s half a chance of persuading the Teddy to play with him, as all this waiting is beginning to get on his wick.

Update 02/11/15 This is the picture of the muriel I mentioned a while back depicting the Tiny Totem and his mother. Here she can be seen shooing away and saying “Not today, thank you.” to the slightly irritating HyperFruityFly, who, as usual, is trying to flog something or other to madamina, in this case some apples it has nicked from the orchard of the Hesperides. Milady doesn’t disapprove of the purloining itself -nor do the Hesperides, who are cheerfully aware that they have got more apples than they can dispose of comfortably- but most certainly she objects to paying for what she can get for free any day of the week or, at a pinch, through a mutually acceptable bartering, as the Hesperides are very fond of apple juice laced with some of the stardust that emanates twice a day from madamina’s Willendorfian bosoms. The HyperFruityFly, impenitently annoying creature that it is, knows the score full well, still, it tries. Too much time on its hands, I think. It needs a job, or a hobby. Perhaps we can persuade it to enroll on some evening course on, say, art appreciation, or four-dimensional origami. Anything that’ll keep it off the streets and our backs, really.
It’s also the young bijou Totem’s birthday. He is 1,000 years old and he’s just been given his first Sacred Crickitt Bat and Garrote Florido (Flowering Club). And is he chuffed or what. He feels so grown up, he does.   Educational gossip courtesy of Zippy Stardust of the South Vermont Underground Mi-Go Settlement.

A good friend of mine on Ipernity, the delightful Yasser, aka NGC300, has been summarily  censored for uploading an excellent political cartoon, very critical of America and its murderous, two-faced policies. This so grated on the sensibilities of an American user, who couldn’t understand why everybody hates America (and, incidentally, didn’t seem to know the difference between plain good old sarcasm and a hyperbole) that she flagged the post and had it removed. This is not the first time my mate has been so abominably used by the Iperatchiks. And by no means the only user. This whole sorry-ass incident reminded me , once more, of what Henry Ford  said about his cars: You can have them in any colour you like as long as it’s black. Also reminds me of the old Francoist slogan of my distant yuff: Libertad si, pero dentro de un orden. Pah! Mealy-mouthed self-righteousness. So toxic. May they all get leprosy of the brain. 

So, to cleanse the chakras of such malevolent bilge, I did the Kittens4U poster and, rummaging in my hard drive for some soothing balm for bruised souls, I found one of the pictures Rosie took of those wondrous muriels she found in the underground space-time caves of Uluru. Note. The mini demiurge has a Mother, as it’s only fitting and proper. Presently I’ll be publishing a picture of both; a sort of Maternitá with a twist, don’t you know.

Quantum’d Kitties. Meet Bubbles, the Long Lost Shoggoth. She vanished into thin air aeons ago, during the second Gallant Shoggoth Uprising, nobody knows how, or why or where, and has now reappeared equally abruptly. She seems to be in perfect physical nick, if a bit dazzled and quite unable to tell where she’s been all this time or what she’s been up to. No worries. She’s been made welcome, given tons of Smarties, assigned to the female tribe and “twinned. with Grumpy, to offset her exceptionally cheerful temperament and somewhat temper Grump’s cantankerousness. Entangling entities seems to be Bubbles idea of match-making and a favourite hobby of hers. Oh, well…

Update 13/10/15 1. It’s National ShoggothHood Week (or two weeks, if the fancy takes us), proclaimed to celebrate the Return of the Native (Bubbles), and all things Shoggothic. Here’s an invite to the first of the many shindigs that will take place in and around my garden for the next seven days -or twenty, if the spirit grabs us. There’ll be food and drink and interesting substances and music and song and dance and beautifully staged tableux vivants -and even tableaux mourants, look you! amongst which not only the now universally acclaimed The Defenestration of Ben Bernanke but the never before seen in public The Spontaneous Combustion of Henry Kissinger. Everybody’s most welcome, except for politicians, banksters, lawyers, transnational CEOs, Bildebergians and other people of that ilk. Come join us and raise a cup or two to groovy protoplasm in particular and hackers, pirates, whistle-blowers, System Irritants and other awkward creatures in general.

2. National ShoggothHood Week seems to be prospering and expanding. Here we can see Bubbles being taken to meet the Celestial Tadpole in her beautiful Peripatetic Cluster, or Cloud 10, as it’s know amongst the discriminating space jet-setters.

Me, I’m taking a small break from all these wonderful excesses to meditate. There’s no bliss more blissful than contemplation of the Great Mother of the Six-Petal Wibbles. Here’s how you do it. Find a quiet spot and bunch of friendly Sneakes (that’s right, Sneakes; very sneaky snakes) to act as cushion for your fat ass and custodians to your fragile vile body. Invoke the Holy Optik Chaos. Drain your mind of all mundane stuff…and watch the pretty Wibbles float out of the dimensional hole produced by the combination of your propitious set up and your great need to forget, be it only for a short time, the horrors of the incoming American election, the ineluctable TTIP and the fact that the Xmas frenzy has already started. Happy dribbling!

I do this without much faith but still, it’s has to be done. The poor chap’s going to need as much help, from any quarter, even the airy-fairy, ethereal, I-wish-pigs-would-fly, sympathetic magic kind as he can possibly get. Here’s to you and your socks & sandals, old comrade. I don’t think you’ll last (think Greece…) but still you did irritate  the fuck out of “them” , didn’t you? Good luck mate!

Update 19/09/15 I’d really like to tell you what this was all about but the Shoggies have sworn me to secrecy so I can’t, although I was lucky enough to be allowed to take pictures. Oh, well…

Update 22/09/15. Aftermath. Now, the point here is not that I’d like to tell but I’m not allowed, so much as that we’d all very much like to know what’s going on. The Bears came, transacted their (allegedly) dodgy business and decamped. All went smoothly, according to some arcane plan and without a hitch. However, the moment they left this strange creature and her totemic companion, or bodyguard, or bosom pal that it may be, materialized out of nowhere and they have now taken residency in the clearing. Nobody knows where she comes from or why she is here or what the fuck she’s up to, if anything (she just sits there, blowing stardust bubbles and disconcerting the night sky); or why does she travel in tandem with a non-descript quadruped with a monkey’s tail. Not the Moon, nor the young Keeper of the Woods, not even the saintly spiders who dwell in the old dryads, nobody has the foggiest, either, of who, never mind what she is. Is she a spontaneous manifestation? A by-product of the ursine transactions or a mere electromagnetic fluke? Could she be radioactive (she does glow, after all) or is she merely enlightened? Is she a deva? Is she an asura? What does the funky beasty eat for breakfast? Have I been reading too much Iain M Banks? Am I losing the plot? Answers on the customary postcard, please.