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With My Penultimate Breath

The title of this post is a misquotation of the English title of Luis Buñuel’s biography, With My Last Breath. Things are not quite so drastic with me, these days, but they are pretty crappy all the same. I seem to be loosing sight at a rate of knots and I feel permanently as weak as a kitten. Etc. Ah, life… It’s just as the Spaniards say: like a chicken coop’s ladder: short and full of shit. Still, it goes on. And the Shoggoths keep on coming. Here be the latest crop. One is this year’s YuleTide card and needs no explanation. The other is a take on an old visual icon. Just like the justly famous “Odesa steps” scene in the wonderful Battleship Potemkin, lots of folks have done a take on it. The Shoggies, bless them, decided to carry the concept one step further. They have taken over a deserted rock just off the coast of Magaluf and hoisted their flag (the only flag I can tolerate, along with the Jolly Roger). They’re still there, hurling scathing insults at the holiday makers and singing them rude songs all night long. You gotta love them (the Shoggies, that is, not the vacationing cattle rabble). Update 15/12/13 In my pursuit of all things Ligottian, I came across (in the delicious Lovecraft e-Zine) a most promissing lead. A woman called Nicole Cushing, whose short story, A Catechism for Aspiring Amnesiacs, featured in a recent issue. Said story totally bowled me over. So much so that, trowing caution to the howling winds, I wrote to her saying how much I’d liked it and where could I get some more of her stuff. Some exchange of emails ensued and, to cut this sory short, she send me a wee chapbook containing some of her earlier produce. I loved it and, for reasons that we don’t need to know here & now, it elicited the two following pics. The minimalist one is a small “thank you note” for her. The second is a more baroque elaboration on the first. And it’s true, anyway. The Larvae have been restless, lately. They miss Imogen and Rudolph awfully. They miss the soireés and the Bach recitals on Hideous Flutes and cracked spinets and the bankster’s balls canapes, poor Things. So, Edwina, always ready & willing to soothe troubled spirits whereever they may be found (when she’s not stirring trouble in all the right places), grabbed her trusty guitar, donned her kick-ass boots, enlisted the aid of the Wee Fishis and an obliging Deep One (Defected) and dropped in on the wretched maggots with her Songs of Soothing Anarchy and old Spanish Republican melodies. The Larvae have somewhat calmed down. There. Don’t you love happy endigs? I do. They’re so very rare… Finally, thank you Mike for that great issue of your mag and thank you Nicole for your stories. Please keep them coming! PS. I may try to find a good link to the Catechism… and if Nicole permits it, I may put a link to her site, Laughing at the Abyss. Just for the name is worth a visit, wouldn’t you say? Update 21/12/13 At last, the Solstice. The light will soon return. By all means, sacrifice a Ben Bernanke or two to the airborne BearThing Clones, si le coeur vous en dit. And on sacrifices and tributes, here’s at last a tribute to that landmark of my adolescence, he who contributed to the basisc weirdness of my soul, MR James, master of hairy creepiness. Here’s to you Monty!

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Pub…lic Services

A time for silly posts, obviously. Here’s the threatened second version of The Shoggoth in Splendour. I’d quite like to produce a third. Perhaps a resplendent B&W one. On the more serious side, the deck (plus companion booklet) has entered the pre-production phase. We’re talking size of the cards, boxing, cover design, etc. End of news bulletin. Enjoy the pub sign. Come in, have a pint or two. Sing a merry song of destruction and waste. Toast Mother Entropy. Don’t worry, be loopy. Update 24/09/13 Threatened with the Nth. rerun of The Deer Hunter, a film I’ve never been able to watch for more that 20 minutes without falling asleep, I decided to bring back the Rehab Lab and do my own new, improved version. The three geezers had been picking e-dust in my hard drive for years so I gave them an outing. Too bad that on their way back from the late night shops and to a right riotous binge, they were ambushed by Lavinia (who had been practicing saying ‘and them over, sunshine! for weeks) and her gang of merry monsters and mugged on the spot, poor mites. NB. The Repulsive MoonBeast was going to push the getaway trolley but got fabulously drunk while waiting for the action so the Shoggies had to push it instead. Oh dear… Update 08/10/13 Another Primitive Device/Flash hybrid. Meet the Rain-Bearing Spider. A nicer monster you’ll not meet anywhere this side of Andromeda, but she’s hardly ever welcome because she, well, brings rain. And what rain! Pure star quality rain. But still, folks shout at her and call her names. Ungrteful wretches one and all. Update 15/10/13 Did I mention I’ve got a new toy? A tablet. A Samsung Galaxy. NOT an iPad. Anyway…I’ve been experimenting with some of the (mostly crappy) free drawing tools one can download from the dreaded google store. Here be the second product. The Plot: The Flutterby and SpiderGirl have been fighting. Nobody remembers what about. This is odd because generally they are the best of friends. In any case, the ding-dong got so bad, and so got on folks’ tits, that finally they were indicted and made to appear before the Supreme Court/Grand Jury. The Honourable Oops ibn Niggurath was awfully stern (also very odd, very out of character) and threatened them with exile to Magaluf if they didn’t patch their quarrel and behave like the sentient creatures they are supposed to be. That scared them all right. They shook feelers and went off to have Compromise Therapy with Zippy, who runs a free, open-to-all service (as well as her beauty consultancy). Last reports indicate they are getting along nicely again. I like a happy ending… Update 21/10/13 The story so far. The Strop-Shubbubah, a cousin four times and two dimensions removed from the Shub-Niggurath, has recently fallen out with her ineffable relative over a small trifle about who whould take over the country once -and if, Catalonia became independent from Spain. Silly, really. The chances of the region becoming a proper state in her own right are not only non-existent (Rajoy will send in the marines) but also impractical, since Catalonia has no industry to speak of other than “services”, whorehouses and clip joints. Still, the two august lassies have entered a bitter morass of dirty politics and dirtier tricks to enlist followers, simpatizers and fellow-travellers. Here you can see the BubbahBaby trying to seduce two wandering Shoggoths into joining her camp. She has inveigled the poor Ball Flowers, who are congenitally naive, too good natured for their own good and terribly hedonistic to boot, into conducting a campaign of recruitment on her behalf with lavish promises of endless whoopy and sponditious parties with brass knobs and bells and whistles an’ all. The Shoggies, who weren’t born yesterday, are not buying it, obviously. Besides, they’ve got Edwina in tow providing the soundtrack with her vast repertoire of old Republican songs. My money is on the Shoggies counter-persuading the globular lovelies into absconding with them, and making a bid for liberating the Enslaved Larva into the bargain. Easy task, I thik. Most of the Flowers (especially the Flowerettes) are already half in love with the bulky beasties and Edwina is much taken with the poor Larva. Up the Revolution, chaps! Next chapter: A Propaganda Poster saying “!Catalunya per la Shub-Niggurath!” to be used in my forthcoming visit to my birthplace. My li’l bro and I intend to stage a demo, up & down the Ramblas, brandishing said placard and solemnly reciting, over and over: Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’ngal fhtagn. Put that in your pipe and smoke it. Update 29/10/13 Here is the promised poster. Behold, how the Smith Orphans are pissing themselves at the pathetic, deluded antics of the nationaliotic zombies.  They want Milady’s power for themselves. They think they can bribe her with botifarra amb mongetes. Ha! Ïa, Ïa, Shub-Niggurath! I hope she eats them all.


Nightmare Factories -The New Batch.

I’ve been reading some more Thomas Ligotti, my latest literary love. So, this post’s title is a tribute of sorts. Not so much the content. The first one has absolutely nothing to do with him; it’s just a wee loony tune with a low-grade political content about communication problems and a gentle clash of civilisations: vegetarians and carnivores. They don’t speak the same language, do they? The second one is something I found out there, in the infinite, chaotic cyberspace. I wish I’d knew the author of it so that I could send them a wee note of congratulation. Happy aniversary, Brother Martin! Now, stop turning in your grave, love; it will all come out in the wash, when we blow ourselve to smithereens and the planet is left to the rats and the bugs and the Shoggies. Rest in peace, Civil Liberties. It was nice meeting you, however briefly. Update 10/09/13 The saga dis-continues. Here be another chapter of the infamous Return to Kadath. I only did it because I fancied doing a wee bitching yak and some blobbettes holding…tentacles?  That deep. The dancing creatures are a Proto-Shoggoth, fierce variety, and a cousin of the delicious Venus of Wilendorf. They dance a juju dance, to sink bully empires -or al lest put big, big spanners in their damnable works. And the colourful one is for Ash, who would have been 49 on 29 August. I like to think that his errant particles have taken over the body of a wee butterfly and are now in turn trying to take over some poor sod’s head; or at least do it in. (Big grin comes unbidden to my lips.) Expect CERN to anounce, soon, the news of the dicovery of the Ash boson… Double grin. Update 12/09/13 And this closes this post. For all true cognoscenti of quality pubs. Mud in your bulbous eye!

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Life Plods On

Or rather, trundles on. Some days staggers on, or, more precisely, wobbles forth, according to the levels of pain and crappy balance. Still, it goes, amazingly enough. And here’s Rosie to attest to that. The weather has turned yet again and after a few days of sunshine it’s back to the grey skies and the threat of drizzle. And it’s fucking cold, for June. But Rosie insists that spring is here and she won’t be denied. Atta girl! Update 01/07/13 Yet another discontinuous chapter of R.t.K. As this here touching little scene shows, the earlier mentioned subversive power of ice cream and teddy bears, with the latest addition of Bach, continues to create havoc in the Cold Waste. The dissatisfaction and the disaffection are growing as thick as George W. Bush’s brain. I’ll  wager that Azathtoth will rue the day he banished poor old Imogen. And it will serve the stupid bugger right! Pah… Peasant… Update 08/07/13 The fight and its side-effects continue. The Commentariat…well, they comment. That’s what they do, bless their neatly starched dogmatic socks. Personally I’m with them, on this one. Avanti, o popolo! Pls note how the GorgoMormo (who grows more beautiful every day, just as the Shub-Niggurath grows more ineffable), has reverted to her original fickle party-girl mode and  is about to fall in love with one of the Blobbettes. Or one of the Blobbttes is about to fall in love with her. Hard to tell. Things can get a wee bit confused in the Cold Waste, at dusk. Update 14/07/13 Happy Bastille Day to you all, mes enfants! To celebrate, here’s the latest discontinuity in the R.to K. saga. According to the literary version, that is. Zippy, after persuading Carter that she means him no harm, quite the opposite, has taken him to the Gorgon, to see if she will help. Etc. Please note that the famed Panama hat’s going down really well. Obviously, it pays to abandon Bostonian sartorial restrain, it does. Update 10/08/13 The Story of Oops has officially resumed. See our intrepid heroes face new perils, find new friends and allies and generally have a righteous rumpus. More power to their pseudopods, that’s what I say. Please note that in the last vignette, they seem to be carrying a wee bit of extra “luggage”. The little Quasi-Bat Things are on the verge of a spectacular uprising, methinks… Update 22/08/13 And this closes this post. Another orphan chapter of Return to Kadath. Carter, Boom-Boom and the Trouble Teddy, on their way soemewhere or other, come before the Snotty Moon, guardian of some Gate or other. Colourful insults, idle threats, specious slander and Cold Waste gossip are exchanged, just as a matter of form. Our heroes win the contest thanks to the viperine tonge of the Teddy* and Boom-Boom powers of unlogic and they are granted access to the Tunnels. * (As the Thessalian witch never tires of saying, nothing is too small or too cute to be dangerous.)


Discontinuities Inc.

Waiting for things to gel together and also for the final stage of “The Book” (now in its proof-reading one), I revisited dear Dunwich. You can never go wrong with that family, innit? Also, a sneak privada of some chapter or other of Return to Kadath. Update 02/05/13 Having given up on any attempt at sequentiality, here is another chapter of Return to Kadath. I’m sure that when I can concentrate on it everything will fall neatly (or nearly neatly) in place. After all this post is aptly named Discontinuities Inc. innit? Update 21/05/13 It’s done! Over! Dusted! The “book” is ready to fly to sunny Pennsylvania and then I won’t have to even think about it …until the Editing Dept. descends on me, I daresay. Meanwhile, I eat, drink, make merry and go shopping with Fang, the Lokioid and his latest baby and the Shoggy Contingent (which these days includes regularly the Chief Gratuitous Fight Picker from Upper Leng (very useful for pushing the trolley). Fang tretated us to several 6-packs of Cretaceous Cream XXXX, which was going really cheap, and ended up buying another two garrotes (highly damaging clubs to you and me), as they were on BOGOF offer. She says a single girl can never have enough highly damaging clubs anyway. I’m inclined to agree. Update 01/06/13 Another unplaced chapter of Return to Kadath. The disorder and disorganization of the graphic side of this latest saga has now been increased by the fact that I’ve started writing a short (?) novel of it. Oh dear… Personally I blame my publishers for insisting I write a booklet to keep the Tarot deck company. It has re-awakened the old primeval literary instincts with a vengeance. Saintly Mother of Bumba have patience on us… Update 05/06/13 And this here panel closes this post. In it we can see how the insidious influence of the Shoggoths (via the ProtoShoggoths and the QuasiBat Things) is beginning to spread all over the Cold Waste lie a rash. It’s a matter of time before it reaches the Final Void and then…Bumba knows how far we can get along the bumpy road to the Revolution. Please note that the non-speaking Larva, related as he is to the Repulsive Moon-Beasts, doesn’t speak as such, but is capable of some basic sounds and some very, very primitive thought-processes. In this case he’s wondering whether the Revolution will entail free ice cream for all creatures huge and tiny. If it’s up to me… it will! PS. In the next post I will give details on how to join (if you’re so inclined) the Pirate Larvae Party in Exile. It’s free, very, very easy and you get a free Survival Kit, a free  Badge and an introductory bag of Smarties, courtesy of the Shoggoths, bless them. I mean, we all need drugs, don’t we?


Liberation Mythology for Lazy Folks

Here be the first installment. I’ve wanted to do something on the Venus of Willendorf for yonks. So I did, just to prove myself that the rabbid flu wot’s been plaguin me for the past few days hasn’t got the better of me. Hai! And here she is, in conversation with her comadre, the ineffable Shub-Niggurath, she who becomes more ineffable wich each passing day. (The Shoggoths are deeply suspicious of this recent partiality. Suspicious; not jealous. They know my heart belongs to them and them only.) Please note that the Young  in attendance seems to be about to fall in love with a frivolous companion-star of Milady’s; and that Fiffi’s totally gob-smacked at the size of such powerful bosoms. Size zeros the world over, look upon Milady’s bulk and tremble! Now, go get a bacon buttie… Update 09/04/13 To celebrate the death (if not the real passing, alas…) of the Ghastly Thatcher Creature, here’s a bit of colour and silliness. If you ever feel the need to restore your mental and intellectual health, please feel at liberty to book yourselves for a free fortnight at the Really Funny Farm. The Savant Onions and Molesworth will see you right in no time at all. Salut! Update 12/04/13 Ah, lovely black & white… And bad poetry! What a winning combination. Nothing like it. Sorry folks… Update 22/04/13 Faithful to my tradition of never waiting to finish a project (in this case The Story of Oops) to start with a new one, here be the new one: Return to Kadath. Synopsis: Randolph Carter, bless his little restless socks, weary once more with the “real” world, and seeing his beloved Boston going to the Hounds of Tindalos of Crapitalism under his very eyes, decides to revisit the Final Void’s peripheries, namely the Cold Waste and Merry Old Leng, and as a side-dish, perhaps, clear some pending accounts with Nyarlathotep. All hell breaks loose. Battlelines are drawn. Enemies and allies gather their armies. Let the battle commence! Olay and oyvay… Here goes the first three chapters. Prologue pending.


Lose Some, Win Some

Loses. Back in December my friend Ash, aka The Bacterium, MasterRanter Extraordinaire, went and died on us. Bummer. I do miss him a lot and I find myself talking to him whenever Max Keiser says something particularly amusing, or when a revealing piece of news comes up confirming our worse suspicions on the subject of the mental health of politicians at large. Oh dear…life does suck, sometimes. And Gains. On the plus side, out of the deep blue of the Unexpected, that intrepid publisher my Tarot deck had long despaired of ever finding, …found us! Hey! Hey! That was the last good news I managed to share with Ash (he was the first to know) only 24 hours before he went and departed this vale of chaos. He was so happy for me, poor darling. Oh well… Not being a believer, I have no hopes of him watching the cards emerge into the world of matter from a vantage point (say Andromeda, for instance). But I do hope he’s still out there, if only in stardust form, giving all the other particles a hard time. Bye bye, toots. Update 26/02/13 Just a quick visit to upload the latest Shoggothic sortie. In their brand new ship, the Icecreamnik, they have gone visiting their old pals, the slaves of the RottenEgg-Monster of Blingo, to a) invite them to a hedonistic cruise and b) irritate the R.E.M. And there’s very little the said creep can do about it because this time the Shoggies are armed with (apart from their staggering chutzpah and their natural bulk) the Sacred Cricket Bat. Ha! Update 03/03/13 I’ve been reading H.G. Wells for the fort time in my life. (Thank you free e-books sites!) I read The Island of Doctor Moreau, which I enjoyed a lot in spite of the barely veiled casual racism & antisemitism. What most stuck in my silly mind was a bit where the eponymous doctor says that “you can educate a pig“. Indeed. Here be proof. Update 08/03/13 And here’s his also-educated mate, aka “One More Piggy for the Road”. Now I must, really must, get back to the book. Uffff… NB. Behold! The also-ineffable GorgoMormo seems to have developped a massive crush for the cultured hog! And me thinking, all these years, that she was just another pretty face and a mere frivolous good-time girl. Ah, well…Update 16/03/13 Advanced Happy St. Patrick and a bit of local colour.

Happy (?) New Year

2012 has been a pretty crappy year. Physical pain ratings: off the scale. My new computer malfunctioned repeatedly. World (social, political and economic) scene: below Mariana Trench levels. And a good friend of mine has just gone and died. Massive bummer. But a few good things have happened. I ended up with two computers. The creative flow has been fairly steady. And I had a spontaneous-unrehearsed offer from a publisher for my wee Tarot deck. So, no, I will not jump into the Thames yet. Also, I got myself an e-reader wot came preloaded with a most primitive drawing tool. It was … interesting to experiment with it. Here be, then, a few samples (put, naturally, through the refining mill of Flash). Also also, the fact that it has been a vomit-inducing year for me doesn’t exclude the wish for a better one for me and my mates. Including the one that died. Perhaps he’ll be spared further horrors to come. Bon voyage, Ash-baby. I’ll miss you. Update 29/12/10 More PrimitiveDevice-Flash stuff. Update 03/02/13 The official po’m for illustration No. 4, Travellers, can now be read in it’s full inglory on the poetry section, Wilfred & The Shell-Shocked.


Tall Tales

Here’s the good news: one of the Shub-Niggurath’s Thousand Young decided to strike out on its own, to travel and see the Void. OK, so she’s still has 999 left to get rid of. But it’ a beginning, innit? Here’s the first two installments of the story of the intrepid youngster, then. Update 28/12/12 Waiting for Part III to gel together, here’s something completely different. The tireless protoplasmic dears have had another go at soap opera. Knowing that they’re really not  very good at it. Heroic, I call this attitude. The earstwhile budding director call is something pretty rude. Update 07/01/13 And the ship sails on and the saga continues… Update 23/01/13 And continues. And then stops for a wee while. I need to tidy up my storyline, wot seems to be growing out of any reasonable boundaries. Quick Update 25/01/13 Just another of those “semi-primitive” thinggies. I thought I’d start a new series called Eldritch Tourism, or something.


And so it came to pass that on the fifth year of the Great Debacle not a single one of those truly responsible for it had been held responsible (let alone punished for it), except by some of us plebs and the divine Stacy Herbert. But we don’t count because we are …well, plebs, innit. So it was up to the Rubbery Darlings to show the True Way, as usual. May Bumba shower them with an infinite ammount of Smarties! Update 06/11/12 Don’t ask me why but I feel in a pre-New Year mood. Makes no sense, really, since I don’t expect the next year to be any better that this dying one. Especially if Romney wins the election. And as for my health…don’t get me started. Still, I feel in a festive mood. So here is a pre New Year card. The two dancing girls have strayed from a funky land made up of ancient Greece, Australia and somewhere in Africa. ??? And look-see, my first attempt at a really repulsive monster: The Dread EggMonster of Blingo! The Shoggies have set their hearts on winding him up -as well as “corrupting” his poor wee slaves with drugs, sprits and fresh fruit. Please note that there seems to be some interesting chemistry going on between the red slave and Edwina (who’s coming along very nicely, recently). And, dare I say it?, a hint of a rapprochement between the Shub-Niggurath and the Shoggies. The Shubby hates the EggMonster even more that she hates the Shoggoths, and she’s delighted at his shock, awe and irritation. Besides, she does have a closet admiration for the rubbery darlings. She’s always respected their gumption and their bloody-minded courage. Mind you, she’d sooner have another 1,000 Young rather than admit to it, but there you have it. It’s there. So…who knows? Not that the Shoggies are all that ready to forgive and forget. They weren’t born yesterday, you know. Update 14/11/12 To celebrate this wonderful epidemic of general strikes all over wretched Europe (well done, Greece, for starting the trend!) and to remember a man who nobody seems to remember anymore (but I do and so so the Shoggies…), here’s my latest offering. Keep trucking, señor Juez! Update 04/12/12 It’s been a rough year for the poor old Black Goat of the Woods with a Thousand Young. First there was the unprecedented success of her erstwhile slaves, the Shoggoths, in discriminating and refined circles (like Flickr, for instance). Then all her attempts at getting rid of some of her supernumeray Young through placements and internships failed miserably (even Azathoth packed his lot back to sender for uncommonly bad behaviour). And lately she attended a party thrown by the splendid GorgoMormo and she…actually enjoyed herself! Shock! Horror! What’s the Final Void coming to? Still, one wee piece of good news: one of her Young has decided to strike out on its own. But that is another story. Update 08/12/12 Just a little “filler”. Once in a blue moon I do something with the dread word Xmas in it. Just to express what I think of the whole dread thing. This is one of those somethings. Not my best, but I quite like the rabbid bunny. And the Komodo dragon. He looks very happy. So would I, if my dreams came true…