Home » Month: April 2021

Thin Ends

Sliders. Fed up to the far side of the back teeth with Mr. & Mrs. Happy-Happy’s banal doctrines and pious platitudes, and their clunky attempts to make her feel like the last creepy-crawly on Earth, she’s decided to join the true annelids and to Hell with social status, political hysteria and the cult of bad art. Donning her snug wormy jumpsuit, designed by herself drawing on both Chanel and Ming the Merciless for inspiration, she’s made for the Invertebrate Borderlands with her trusty Ever-Smouldering Gauloise and a clip-art piggy for all company. The Worms have received her kindly if with some circumspection, for they’re not entirely sold on the eternally combusting snout. The Piggy, on the other hand, is being an unmitigated success, as we can tell by the mesmerized look-of-luuuurve on the Oscur’ Wermicello’s eye.

The caption is a quote from Tom Lehrer.

And seeing that Spring is making valiant attempts at breaking, here’s some more of the delicious Tom on the topic:

Minced Realities

Discontinuities. By all means divide, conquer and then rule with an iron fist and a cattle prod. Befuddle the wretched of the earth, tell them one thing and then, in the next breath, tell them its opposite. Then assert (without blushing) that both propositions are self-evident, inalienable truths and that if they don’t “get it” is their fault and what they need is more of the same plus, perhaps, an anti-pessimism vaccine or a happiness pill or CBT. Corrupt the language and destroy the institutions that made life endurable. Persuade the we-the-people that their kin is their foe and them that would be their natural allies are their mortal enemies. And so on, until brother will be unable to recognize sister and mothers their own children and lovers will look upon the face of the beloved and see only the warts and the deviation and the blemishes. And friend will look upon friend and say: Who the fuck are you? At which point they, the baah-baah sheep (both black and white, ewe and ram, mutton and lamb), will fight your battles and win the war for you without you having to move a finger. They will eliminate all the heretics and the divergent. And when they’re done with the aberrant, the fiends, the error 404s, they’ll turn on each other and get rid of the superfluous; you know, the old and the infirm and the less than Hollywood-perfect and all wot don’t consume as prescribed and toe the line. Thus until you have turned the world into mincemeat. Then, and then only, yours will be the Earth and everything that’s in it, And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

Have a nice life.

Fire Birds

Fierce Damsels. Voila, two fiery lasses for the price of one. A special aprèsPâques   offer. To be used, as usual, as an All-Purpose Gripe Indicator. State your beef(s) and the girls will make the most of it. They’ll go to town, in fact. Here are some of my own:

-Ms Patel’s latest mind abortion, the Police, Crime, Sentencing and Courts Bill 2021

-Ms Patel’s mug.

American psychosis latest incubus, the Quadrilateral Security Dialogue. (Dialogue indeed!!!)

-Joe Biden’s mug.

-The Happiness Industrial Complex in its godawful entirety, from Norman Vincent Peel to the Morality Pill.

-Dominic Raab’s mug

There. Stay angry, stay sane and have a sponditious week.

Family Life

Sun, Son & Blobs. Look-see! a very old sun has got himself an offspring and he has come to show it off to the Space Blobs. The Blobs are gobsmacked and nobody has the foggiest how or where or even why he got it. But it’s a very pretty young thing and we all think it’ll do very well in due course.

Have a smashing Easter and go easy on the mint sauce.